Worth Doing Poorly

Anything worth doing,
is Worth Doing Poorly

Ahhhhh, a new year. A new chance to make one of those infamous loved-in-January-abandoned-by-February New Year's Resolutions. I typically don't make resolutions, but a couple of years I have used the opportunity to look back at what I learned and how I grew over the past year. Kind of looking back to see how far I have come to remind myself I am a better version of me (hopefully!) than I was at the beginning of that year. The only "resolution" I made this year is to be able to feel comfortable wearing a two-piece bathing suit again by March 14th....that not-so-distant day when it will be too late to do anything I planned to do in my 40s... I figured turning 50 is enough trauma without adding on a bunch of failed resolutions.

 
This month I have read several other people's thoughts on resolutions, and a few caught my attention by either challenging my opinion on the subject, or feeling like they took the words right out of my brain before I even knew how to form them. One Facebook friend made me reconsider pooh-poohing resolutions entirely, stating: "Did you know...some of us are so comfortable with a lifestyle of self sabotage that we'll find fault with & talk negatively about the concept of a New Year's Resolution to improve our life?" (Willis Cheaney, 12/27/23) Well, I don't want to be THAT person, so I decided to dive a little deeper.

As if on cue, the New York Times delivered an article on the subject right to my inbox on Jan. 6th. Written by Melissa Kirsch, her take on resolutions was that they are so commonly abandoned because they are often punishing, too grand, and all about what is wrong with you rather than what is right. She suggested, "If your resolution seems architected by someone who doesn't like you, there's still time to reconsider it." I agree. Rather than abandoning the idea altogether, why not make it something actually doable? Something that highlights a strength, desire, or something you believe in? Her resolution was to "whenever possible" shop in person rather than online, as it fits with other beliefs she has and moves her one more step toward being the type of person she wants to be. Putting in language such as "whenever possible" takes the pressure off to do it EVERY time and gives grace for the times you give in to the power of the Amazon, which should help squelch the urge to give up when you screw up. She said the idea to add a clause letting herself off the hook came from a friend reminding her that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

I found that line interesting so looked it up. Apparently, it was first stated by the writer G.K. Chesterton, in his 1910 book, What's Wrong with the World. (Man, I bet that is a thick book.) Sure, there are some things best left to trained professionals and experts -- brain surgery, scaling Mt. Everest, constructing a high rise building so it doesn't topple. But the vast majority of things in our daily lives we don't want or need an expert for. We need to do them ourselves, to start out badly, learn from mistakes, watch our progress, and be independently creative and imaginative and resourceful. When things are done out of love by someone close to you, even if not done perfectly, doesn't it feel better than the cold, impersonal hand of an expert stranger? Not that you want your spouse performing your brain surgery, but you get my point. Unless of course your spouse IS a brain surgeon...

In any case, might I suggest a generic, make-it-your-own resolution for this year for anyone out there still looking for one? Not a "to-do" list, but a "to-become" list. Instead of striving to out-achieve, out-earn, or out-do our last year's self -- or worse, our coworkers, neighbors, or friends -- what if we strive to out-humble our 2023 self? Strive to increase our humility instead of increase our accomplishments? Why is that so counter-culture? Why does it seem "silly" to think about supporting the growth of others this year rather than scratching and clawing our way up one more rung by stepping on them? Or being more generous this year rather than only being interested in increasing (and protecting) our own stockpile? Or cheering on someone rather than competing with them? This can look different and be something different for each person. Maybe you want to be a better steward of the environment this year, or start a benevolence fund and bless a stranger once a month with an unexpected gift. Taking the focus off yourself not only takes the pressure off performing (and possibly failing), but moves a resolution out of the narcissism most swim in (even the "good" ones) and into actual, positive, change-the-world-by-changing-yourself territory. Now that's a resolution I can do. At least until March or so. 😄

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P.S. If I were to make a resolution, this would be it: “To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” – James Agate