YOLO vs. Delayed Gratification

YOLO vs. Delayed Gratification

Though the old adage “opposites attract” may sound romantic, I have learned “but similarities sustain” is more accurate. Doug and I are similar in more ways than we are opposites, which is why I think we get along so well. However, there is one way I have found we are very different – the way our brains work. He can sit in front of the TV with the news blaring while at the same time watching a video (also loudly) on his phone and somehow be listening to and keeping up with both. I walk into the room and immediately have sensory overload and get a tick in my eye that I am sure is a warning that a seizure is imminent. I don’t know how he does it. 

As a child, his mom told people he was “hyperactive”… I guess ADHD wasn’t a named thing yet. He had a hard time in school, he says. Couldn’t sit still, spent a lot of time doodling or staring out the window thinking about the rocket he was going to launch after school. He tried to describe his brain to me the other day, saying imagine a whole wall of TV screens, all showing different things, all brightly lit and at max volume. One after another comes to the forefront, briefly taking up the whole screen for a few seconds before going back to the wall only to have another take its place. Over and over, all day. Some days worse than others. If my brain did that I would be exhausted and need to return to bed by 9 am.   

I know we medicate our ADHD kids now a lot of the time, seeing it as something that needs to be “fixed” or “contained.” And I get it. It’s hard for them to sit still in school, hard to concentrate, making it hard for them to learn and likely distracting others from learning, too. (However, I wonder if that is more of a statement on the way we try to force them into the already-established system in place, rather than finding a way that fits their style of learning…but that’s a topic for another blog!) But in getting to know Doug, I also know it fuels his creativity. He has a million interests and knows something about nearly everything because at some point he has been interested in it enough to learn about it. And he has done more things, worked more places, learned more skills, and tried more new things than anyone I know. Does that need to be “fixed”?    

In contrast to my tendency for delayed gratification – save money for months for something I want, save my favorite food on my plate for last, only take a Tylenol after hours of suffering – Doug’s attitude is “YOLO! Why wait??” Luckily, we agree on finances, so his “why wait?” on buying something new means he sells something he doesn’t want anymore (that tuba is soooo yesterday’s news) rather than go into debt for that new obsession. But what I have learned is this: My way is not always the best way! His tendency toward impulsiveness is not always bad; and my tendency to wait until all ducks are in a row is not always good. My favorite food ends up cold when I save it ‘til last. And having a headache for hours hurts. Marriage is humbling. And stretching. And lovely. 

Besides, when you don’t meet one another until you’re in your late 40s, time is short. YOLO seems like a better plan for maximizing your years together. Even if one of you just has to have a paramotor.